Where it all started. My very first panic attack.

I have always been a nervous person, however, I never really thought about it, I just got on with my life.

At the time of my first attack, we had two mini schnauzers which we showed. We used to travel all the time to different places to show them. The night before we were due to take them to another show in Leeds, we were invited to a friend’s BBQ.

I said I was only going to have a few beers as we had to be up early. Of course, one led to many, and I was merry. There were a couple of friends there who had split up their relationship, and a burger was made for the woman by her ex. She refused to eat it, and because I had a few, I said, ‘I will have it.’ That turned out to be the biggest mistake I ever made.

The next morning I felt fine, although I tried to get out of going, I needed more sleep. I can’t remember if I went to the toilet before we left. I can’t remember how far we got before I needed to go. What I do remember is hubby stopping on the motorway hard shoulder to let me out to jump into a field. My bowels opened, and I even remember a horse watching me.  

That was it then, once it started it never stopped. I had food poisoning but didn’t know at the time. Once we arrived at the dog show, I had to find the toilets, which were the temporary portacabin type. I stood in line waiting to go, did my business, and tried to make it back to hubby. A few times I did, others I just got back in line again. Now, you can imagine the looks I received by standing back in that line.

When I finally made it back to hubby, I told him I didn’t feel well at all. I was shaking and pale. He took one look at me and without argument packed the dogs up, and we left. The poor things didn’t even get shown.

On the way home in the car my hand started to cramp up and became like a claw. I turned to hubby to show him. He glanced down from driving to see. The muscles in my arm then started to lock up, and this was frightening me, it spread further all over my body. The only thing left to me was my voice, and I screamed for an ambulance. Hubby swerved off the motorway, and up a slip road so he could pull over. Jumping out of the car he ran to my side and helped me out into the fresh air, he continued to talk to me, and rub my body till I had unlocked and calmed down. That was the only time I had an attack like that.

We then had to stop at every service station on the way back so I could go to the toilet. He phoned a friend as I kept hyperventilating, they told us I needed to breathe into a brown bag. I can’t remember what I blew into, but I came back to myself. When we finally returned home I went straight to bed; I felt so ill.

I got back in the car though, as I didn’t put my attacks down to travelling. The diarrhoea and panic came again when I travelled to a friend’s mum’s house for an Anna Summers party. I didn’t see much of the party; I sat in the kitchen dashing for the toilet every five minutes. There was no food poisoning this time around. It all went downhill after that. I stopped going in the car as I didn’t feel safe anymore. Any tummy pains would keep me from going out. To this day, I still have trouble getting in the car, and whenever I get any stomach noises, I’m hit with bad anxiety and the feelings bring on an attack.