My first visit face to face with my Therapist.

As the title says, I met my therapist today. She is lovely by the way. It nearly didn’t happen as my nerves kicked in. I didn’t sleep well and woke up a couple of times to go to the toilet. Darkness doesn’t help, I had to breath to calm myself and fell back to sleep. When I woke up again, it was about an hour before my therapist was due, and my nerves took over. I was sweating, shaking, and found it hard to control my breathing. I had thoughts of phoning her, and telling her I couldn’t do it.

My hubby refused to let me do that, so I sent a message to my therapist telling her what was going on. I started to ground myself with a technic I found on YouTube, and she answered my message. She asked me a few questions. What is the positive intention for an attack? What is it that you fear? What is the worst outcome that can happen?

My answer to her through shaking hands while typing was, that I’m going to show myself up in front of you. That I will need a poo and have an attack. The last one is the one I fear the most as I will run away if people are in the house, and I do this. This is the reason I don’t like people in the house as I don’t want to have an attack in front of them.

Anyway, after that, I felt myself calm down, but it heightened again as the time came for her to come. My heart raced as the doorbell rang, but I walked down the stairs to meet her, it would of be rude if I hadn’t. She hugged me which to be honest I’m not a fan off, but it felt good to hug her back. All the time my fight or flight reaction is going off big time. I’m still doing the grounding exercises to calm myself as small talk is made.

I eventually sat down calming a little. I won’t go into the ins and outs about what was said because that’s personal to me. We did, however, talk about essential oils, and she taught me how to ground myself right. I was doing it wrong as I was still feeding my anxiety.

I also learned that I’m a negative thinker, I always have been, but I need to be more positive. I have to be mindful of what I say, as I’m feeding myself these thoughts, telling myself I’m going to have an attack, which in turn will happen. I do this a lot, so changing them is going to be hard.

She did a little reflexology on my feet, showing my husband along the way so that he can do it. She also did a little reiki on me. Now, I’m going to be honest; I’m not saying I don’t believe in it, but I never thought I would feel anything.

OH MY! Was I proved wrong. That totally blew my mind. It freaked me out a little if I’m honest. If you have read my posts, you will know I always concentrate on my stomach, but I didn’t feel anything there. It was my chest that I felt the sensations. What I found weird was when she placed her hand near my ear, oh boy that freaked me out. I can’t explain the feeling, but it was little too much for me to handle. Through a quick scan of her hands, she said I needed to work on my left side, to strengthen it. Also, she would like to work on my knees and ankles. I seriously felt so weird after that, even a little spaced out, but in a good way. I felt tired too.

What should have been an hour session turned in nearly four hours. My therapist is so intent on helping those she can; I think that is what I like about her. She met my mum, my kids, my animals and was nice to them all. She made me feel at ease even when all I wanted to do was flee. We found a few similarities, and she has told me if I need her at any time to phone her. At this moment in time, I glad I took this leap of faith, I’m glad I didn’t phone and cancel. And I will look forward to working with her again.

A positive that did come out of today was hubby was able to go to the shop and back without me phoning him. I used the grounding I had been taught, it wasn’t easy, and I did pick my phone up to ring him, but I held off.

As they say, little steps. Rome wasn’t built in a day.