The Curse

The monthly, on the rag, Aunt Flo, have the painters in, yes you guessed right I have my period.

With the hormones raging through my body my anxiety tends to go up a notch. I suppose it’s because of the stomach pains I get, and feeling shit doesn’t help.

This morning when I woke up my stomach rolled over because of my period, I felt my anxiety rise its ugly head. Then the chatter started in my head.

‘I don’t want to get up.’

‘Then don’t. Listen to your stomach; it’s making noises, and it hurts.’

‘I need to get up, though. I have to walk to school.’

‘No, you don't.'

At this point, I decided to meditate to help clear my thoughts. It worked to a point, and I forced myself to get up.

As I was getting dressed the youngest asked me to do her hair. I brushed it into pigtails, and when I finished she asked, ‘Are you walking me to school again, mum?’

‘Yes, I am. But my tummy hurts today, so I won’t make it far.’

She then said, ‘Do you know what I would do? I would just keep walking.’

I laughed at her, but she was right, I should just keep walking. She gave me a little strength to carry on getting ready.

As I was brushing my teeth, my thoughts started again. I thought I needed a poo, but I didn’t then I had another conversation with myself. (I do this a lot.)

‘I feel sick.’

‘No, you don’t. It’s just your period, and you know it.’

I stop my thoughts dead with that thought.

Placing my boots on my feet, and putting my coat on I felt my anxiety rise again, and this caused me to say, ‘We will see you across the road, and then come back.’

The look the oldest daughter gave me made me feel guilty, she doesn’t like taking her sister to school.

I told her ‘You know it’s only for a little while until I’m in a better place,’ then I kissed her on the check.

The so and so only looked around to make sure no one was looking. I slapped her laughing making her laugh too.

But you know what? Once I was walking, I didn’t notice the pain in my stomach so much; I was happy listening to my family talk to each other.

I did make it further than I said I would, not much further, but now I’m sat here writing this I wish I had taken my daughters advice, and just walked.

When hubby and I returned home I came back upstairs to lie down; I still feel like shit.

I can feel all the thoughts coming in, and I will admit I’m getting clingy towards hubby. I know he needs to go out, and I’m over thinking it. I hate that big time.

Meditation and grounding will happen a lot today, but that’s fine, I like doing them because I can feel them relax me.

So, from waking up and telling myself I don’t want to get up, I did, and I pushed myself to carry on with the school run. I could see the disappointment in my youngest daughter’s face when I had to turn back, but I told her, ‘It’s only the second day, I will make it.’

And I will. Come hell or high water; I will see her walk through her classroom doors.

I am glad this morning happened the way it did because the laughs I had with my kids means more to me than anything.