Doing okay

Just thought I better check in. It’s the school holidays, so it’s hectic here. As the title says, I am doing okay. My anxiety is low; it does rise at times, I’m coping, though.

I have been keeping myself busy with my book. I started this book last August then in November/December my anxiety got worse. I lost interest in everything. I couldn’t write, I struggled even to write ten words, so I left it alone. I lost confidence in myself.

I started writing again in Jan, and the words started to flow, and last week I finished the first draft. I can’t tell you how pleased I was about that. Loves First Bite is now out with my beta’s, and the feedback I have had back has been good.

I am in a routine with what I do each day, which helps a lot, but I know I need to step out of my box to push myself. The hubby is good at doing that when I don’t want him too, but I tend to go with it. He does get told off, but when I have achieved something different, it feels good.

Talking of which, I have been trying for weeks to make it to the end of this road near our home. Hubby came with me a few times last week, and I managed to walk it with him.

Yesterday I was on my own, and was very close to making it, but chickened out. Today, I had the same feelings as yesterday, yet I pushed through it and made it to the end of that road. The smile on my face was huge. It is now thinking about it.

Another thing which is getting easier is hubby going out. It does play on my mind waiting for him to go out, he choices when he leaves the house now. However, I am coping better when he is gone.

For example, I went upstairs to watch a film, and he decided to go out. I didn’t know he had, but secretly hoped he would do it while I was upstairs. He was gone for about fifty minutes. When he came back, he was so chuffed because he managed to let loose in the car down the motorway. He hasn’t done that with the new car.  

If I had known he had left, I don’t think that would have happened, but to see his little face light up was amazing.

Also, the daughter has been asking to be taken here there and everywhere, which has been a problem since December. I can now report a few times hubby has taken or picked her up from her friends. I’m going to be honest, I don’t like it, but I cope with it.

I guess that is the word, COPE. Fingers crossed this carries on like this as we need to get back to normal as a family.

I’m going to admit; I haven’t kept up with my meditation or my journals. My therapist has mentioned I’m in a false sense of security. Which I believe to be true. I do need to start back up with that and I will.

I have also noticed, I don’t think too much at the moment. What I mean by that is I’m not focusing on the bad thoughts. They flitter through unnoticed at times, which I’m happy about.

With certain situations, cough, cough, POO, they do appear, but I don’t hold onto them too much.

So, that’s it for now. I hope those that suffer are finding some peace from day to day.