Set Back And Worries

I have had a little set back in my journey, but I won’t let it interfere with my progress.

Since I have suffered from anxiety, I have always dreaded waking up in the early hours to have a poo. If I did, I would have an attack and be up for hours.

Last week that dread happened twice. I do tend to get diarrhoea once in a while when my monthly is due, but for it to happen twice was a bit of a shock.

On both occasions, I was up for four hours back and forth to the toilet. And with both times I breathed through the anxiety.

I was very proud of myself for doing that as I would usually have been in a right state.

This unfortunately messed with my head. The bad thoughts would pledge me through the day and night. I would wake up in the dark to go to the toilet to then get back into bed thinking I was going to be up again with tummy problems.

I even noticed a pattern and would be worse on the days I expected to be hit again with diarrhoea. But touch wood that hasn’t happened.

I am more anxious again, and it reminds me of when I first got anxiety. I felt like I had gone back to square one again.

As the days go on, some bother me more than others. I’m always listening to my stomach which again causes my anxiety to rise. Through the day too.

However, I have my coping methods, and they are working so far. I actually had a night free of getting up for a wee last night, which has given me some confidence.

It is a lot of telling myself, I’m not going to have an attack, and I am strong. I really want to be free of this thing of my mind connecting with my stomach. It annoys me so much.

I am taking each day at a time and will get over this again. I will keep fighting.

If you have followed me on here, you will know my hubby has been working from home because I fear being alone.

It has been over two months now, and although his boss hasn’t shown any signs of concern about this, I am aware hubby will be leaving the house again soon.

This is where a new worry has shown itself. I have grown used to him being here. We have grown into a routine, and with him leaving again, I’m worried I can’t cope. I’m also worried it might make my anxiety worse.

I’m trying not to go there, but it’s in the back of my mind all the time. I seriously don’t know how I’m going to get over this.

I’m more comfortable in my positives that I do every time, but him going back to work is hanging over us.

I have suggested he gets up and leaves like he did last year just to see how we get on. I know I need to be strong, and I am to a fault, but this next hurdle scares me.

I guess I’m making excuses, and that’s on me. I guess it’s time I put these coping methods   into action.

Well, that is where I am at right now. I hope those that suffer are doing okay.